Chapter 11

MY DAD

My dad was the most amazing man still …….he didnt wont to leave us when him and mum broke up i could see it on his face ……….. for years dad did his best to come and see us …..he was always telling me how beautiful i was and that i could do anythink i wonted to do when i grow up ..dad alwasy took pride when he took us out to his friends house ..he would have the biggest smile on his face and tell everyone thses are my daughters arent they gorgoeus he would say ..loudly ..my girls are beautiful ……..he showed love to us like my mother wouldnt ..hugged all the time kisses and told us he loved us and not to ever forget it …he use to phone us up and say he was going to come pick us up for a visit ..but i cant remmebr how many times he never showed up ….i got sick of shedding tears over him and from the age about 7 i realized my dad wasnt dependable and maybe he didnt love me as much as he told me so i backed off with my feelings with my dad but i still loved him and felt the need for a father figure and needed his love and exceptence

..one of my dads girlfriends wasnt a very nice women at all . she was a very hard women ….never smiled alot and just had a bloody mean face …she didnt say much unless it was telling us off about making noise we had our own bedroom at my dads house with a wardrobe which dad had given us nice very pretty clothes for me and my sisters to wear while we visited there

…dad was one on keeping up appearences .you must be clean ..you must look pretty at alll times ….you must be polite ..he wanted all the things we wernt and didnt even know how to be or act or feel ..we never feelt .pretty ..or clean ..hell my nik name at home by my mum was sewer mouth ..i swore all the time …the word fuck to me was just a normal everyday word …and i said it alot ….i was always getting told off about my launguage by many people .

.dad would alwsys give us a little lecture as we walked out the door to go somewhwre …now be polite dont you dare swear dad would say …god he must of been realy shitting himself taking us out in public ..but it was something he thought we had to learn ….

..he made me brush my hair ..again and again and again …….i always had long hair down to my ass and hated getting it cut ..it was alwasy hard to find a brush at home ..so it was left to mum to brush it every morning before school …..and after that it was left …but dad was always on our backs ….go brush your hair will you ………pull your socks up …it was such an issue with my dad to look our best even when just playing outside too …….he threw in the acational grumble about how mum was ussless and not looking after us correctly but at the same time he didnt wont us either and his girlfriend sure as helll didnt ..she made that clear with her glares n daggers and unsocial behavour towards us …..but i just looked at the love my dad gave me while there and soaked it up putting up with her and simply avoiding her at every opertunity .

.dad tried to make us do things together like cooking to make us bond ..but she only got angry at me ……asking me to get all these strange things out the draws liek an egg flip ….or a sieve ….or a strainer …hell we didnt cook at home ..or help out ..she got angry yelling at me saying ,..dont you know what an seive is …then goin and telling my dad making me embarresed ..the bitch ……..she made us eat awfull food like artichokes ..she wasnt a very good cook ….my mums cooking was much better than hers ….i hated eating there……..the house was spotless aswell and you had to keep everything clean . you felt like you had to walk backwards cleaning up your foot prints sometimes …she would find the smallerst thing like apir of shoes not sitting straight on the floor and send you in there to clean it and call us filthy pigs ..but ofcourse only when dad wasnt around ……

as dad was big on keeping up apperences we slept over dads every second week for a long time so dad took us to church ..it was important to him ……..god it was so fuckin boring ….keepin us in one spot and quiet was impossable ….we never unless at school had to be still ……the preacher was boring ….what he was saying was boring …the songs were just very stupid …im not into chour songs you know …….or sitting on cold hard chairs and sitting in silence with this book on my lap i coudnt draw on …but half way throu the kids were taken out to hve there schooling …that was ok we leant fun songs ..we painted ..we didnt pasting things with the theme being about god and jesus ofcourse …but again i found some of the things they were saying were just not real ..or didnt seem to be true ..i remmebr questioning some of there torys at times and they would get quite angry with me becasue i was also a WHY child …i needed to know answers..and theres seemed to be not of this world and very hard to beleive …how can you live in a world that you cant see hear and feel …..im not one on beliving what you cant see …

..but dad loved it so we behaved and went but was glad it was over ….there was one girl there …at the church school she woudnt leave me and my little sister alone as we stuck together all the time always at each others side …and this one girl fat anoying and just spoke constantly she didnt shut the hell up and followed us everywhere we went …so me and my little sister devised a plan to deal with this anoying girl …so we pulled her to one side of the church hall pretended to paly with her ….then me and my sister pushed her in a cupbourd locked the door and ran off laughing our head off …sat back at the tables and went on with our glueing ..after a while the teacher notices one child was missing ..she could hear sobbings coming from the corner …..the little bitch dobbed and told it was me and my little siter who put her in there …..so my dad was called from the main church and kindly told to take us home and teach us some lessons in kindness ..that was ofcourse after they had there talk with us …..

dad took us camping a few times …that was nothing special just time away from the house and away from mum and her boyfriend ….we;d fish . play n swim in the river ..and would also pick me and my sisters up and take us to picnics for his work /one picnic he took us to was great ..me and my little siter came to that one ..as i was about 12 i thought i was above kicking a ball around and running around so i spent most of my time sitting with the adult females around the table chattign about girl stuff ..while my sister ran around with the other kids ..by the end of the day my little sister came upto me and told me she wonted to go home ..she lookes stressed scared even .and had tears welling up in her eyes ….she told me she didnt wont to be around dad anymore she didnt tell me why exactly ..but i could see on her face it was something awful ……..

After a while when i was about age 13 i was getting sick of doin the dad scene and the church scene it was boring at his house nothing to do but play pool and wonder the back yard so i stopped going to dads house ..i made excuses of needing to be with my friends and just what ever i could do to get out of it ………….

MY FIRST LOVE …AGED 14…..

my fist love was simply amazing … as they all are …its the one you never forget ..i think i was his second or third gilrfriend so im sure i am the forgoten one to him …bit its ok …anyway ..how lucky was i …his name was dan .. and he lived at the other end of my street ..the nicer part of the street ofcourse ..less riff raff his end than myn .

.he was the boy that all the mothers wonted there daughters to date..apart from being tall and seriously good looking .dan was a real gentlmen impekabale manners and spoke to all adults as mr or mrs ….he never swore and said his please and thank you;s ..how strange it was then that we began dating …we did spend many years at school in the same classroom but didnt take any notice untill we were all in high school ….i trusted him with every thought in my head …we only ever did the normal first lovers do ..kiss alot i think i let him touch my boobs a few times but kissing was the best ..he had braces too but that didnt seem to make much diffrence ..well actualy ive never kissed a boy before so i didnt know if it was strange or not …..we never got to spend too much time together thou ..his parents were stricked and he lived with rules and a curfew ..you know had to do homework as soon as he got home ..be home for dinner and also be home before dark ….things we didnt do or have ..not that it would of made a diffrence if my mum even tryed that shit on us …we didnt no rules and punishments …..and our rebelion would of been nasty …….althou i did lesten to mum when she called us in for dinner or after dark ..we were alowed to be out side still a bit after the sunwent down ..but i found it rather borning as all my friends had to be inside when it was dark …but again i sure as hell must of been mums favorite becasue i was alowed to have dan come over and visit me alone in my bedroom ……mum had big fights with my older sister when she began dating boys and mum and him alwasy kicked up a big stink and so many fights were had with my big sister that by the time she was 13 she had left the house never to return ….mum didnt like her boyfrind i think ..im not realy sure why she wasnt allowed to but i was ..maybe becasue it was dan and everyone knew him and thought the sun shone out his ass ..dan could do no wrong in the eyes of all the mothers ..my girl friends all told me how lucky i was to have him ..and i knew it …i loved him so much we would be together for ever ….

he alwasy rode his perfect shiny bike down …one day he placed it right behind the car in the driveway and came to visit me …when it was time to go mum had to go out to …either mum was to fast or dan was to slow but …his gorgoeus new shiny bike got ran over by my mum .the bike was a bit of a big mess afterwards and not saveable ……it was spoken about for many months …..

. after about 3 months of dating he finnaly got his braces of his teeth ..and wow he was stunning befre now he was simply gorgoeous ….i was so proud he was myn .althou he did upset me a few times as he would go visit the girl next door whom he dated just before me ..and she had boobs to bloody massive …i was sure he would leave me and go back with her ..she seemed to have more to offer him .plus those to had sex before .and i was still a virgin and wasnt in any rush .he asured me i was the only one and they were just friends ……….and as he was the most trust worthy boy i had even known i was ok wih it .. he made me feel safe …and almost invinsable just knowing i was loved was a huge thing .i began hanging out with two brothers who were dans friends from around the street …mark and wayne ..mark was so tiny for his age and cute ..but i little devil trying to alwasy grab my friends or my boobs ..he was the joker from our gang then his older brother wayne was the rap dancer ..wayne took lessons and made us all watch his new steps …he began to obsess with his rap dancing and hounded us to look at him all the time …each time we all met up it became waynes world …i dont know how many times i told him to stop enough was enough it wasnt ll about him ..but he blinked his long lashed said sorry and all was forgiven .untill a few days later he begin again with his look at me ;s ….maybe it was the competion i didnt like as i was always popular with the boys it was ment to be all about me ..but most the time is was shared attention with us all …the boys liked to chase my best friend amanda around trying to touch her boobs n be naughty ..

..the 5 of us were tight friends all visiting me in my room sometimes ..i dont know how i got away with it not only was i allowed my boyfrind in my bedroom but two brothers aswell ….plus mum giving me my smokes each week ..god i had it so good …..all i had to do was keep away from him and life was bloody fantastic ..i had my friends ..my boyfriend .i loved my life ..still hated school thou but life was great ….we had celabrated our 6 months together .our bond was strong and so much fun being with him ..he understood me well because he had seen behind my walls and didnt judge me .until late one night dan come knocking on my door ..this was very strange .he looked shocked and even sad ..realy sad too ..he sat next to me and told me that his family are all moving 3 hours away to a small country town….it was for his dads work ..and he has no choice he was leaving me for good in two weeks time ..it was a devestating time …we spent every moment we could which was made hard by his mates wonting to be over my house all the time …how were we going to still be together but we did promise each other we would and we would write all the time .i shed so many tears …it was a great loss to some of the mothers too …a few cryed as he left ..he was going to be missed so dealy by so many …

..i was now stuck with the two brothers…..the funny guy and the annoying fuckin rapper …..but they were all i had now .i felt sad and miserable every day now ..was getting bad headaches .and feeling so depressed mark had gone after a while to be with his mates but wayne was still here …he began asking me if i would date him now that dan was gone and wont be comming back …..i had to tell him over and over there was no way i would date him he asked to kiss me all the time while still making me watch his boring rap dancing ..i got angry and told him to leave a few times .i just coudnt hande him anymore ..i wonted to crawl back in my hole and be alone again in my bedroom and for a while i did ….

i stayed in my room yet again secluded from my friends for a few months i then got visits form the young teen girl up the street …she wasa nice girl ..but had a reputation in the area as a slut and someone not to mess with or shell beat the shit out of you ..but i got on well with her she invited me out to the pizza bar where she use to hang with her friends ..it was the local place where all the local italians hang out the pizza bar or the cafe across the road .i even met a few of my old class mates there .it was strange seeing young boys sitting drinking capacinos .but thats what all the italians did …..i went up there a few saturday nights meeting my friend just sitting and chatting nothing realy amazing ..no fights …it was all rathere polite ….my friend invited me out with her and her boyfriend to meet this guy she thought i would like …….we drove not far picked up this guy wating on a corner and drove off again ….we ended up in a motel room somewhere ..shit i thought oh what was i ment to do here ..i guess its time i got my cherry poped .and lost my virginity …it wasnt anything special realy was it ……..the top cover was pulled of the bed and he grabbed my hand and in the dark of the bathroom floor we layed .kissing for a few minutes then before i knew it we were both naked and he was ontop of me trying to put his penis in me ….i was so nervous and felt a bit scared i didnt know where the hell i was or who this guy even was ……but i did my best ……he didnt do too well with me thou ..i mean it wasnt goin in me at all ..and it burnt a bit so i think i clenched up tighter on him ..he must of found a good spot as he was moving up and down fast on me and heavy breathing ..but i knew he wasnt inside me at all …but by this time i was over it and wonted to go home ……as we lie there after a while i felt a wet drop of liquid on my forhead ……shit what was that i thought ….he must be sweating above me yukk ….i felt the drop again and a few times more i knew it wasnt from him sweating on me becasue his head wasnt above me …i wonder if this was the stuff from his penis landing on my head ..it had to be ..what else could it be ..i was grossed out but didnt wont to touch it and wipe it away ..i kept moving my head .but the drops kept hitting me ..got hurry up will you …im sore i have a dry mouth ..im not enjoying this at all ….and i dont like your wet stuff from your penis dropping on my head ..i had no idea how he was doing it ..but then i have never been that close to a boy before and i didnt no how it all worked ….i can only asume it was realy messy .but on my head …ok this must be what its all about …he had had enough rolled off me huffing and puffing not a word was spoken to each other after that ..as i think he knew he didnt get his penis inside me ….he wonted to go home so got up turned the light on and we got dressed and picked up the blnket .it was at that moment i looked up to where we had been lieing …and as i held in my giggle and smile ..i looked up to see the shower head dripping right above where my head would of been …so it wasnt his stuff after all it was just water from the shower ..thank bloody christ for that i thought and walked out that room for good ….