Chapter 12

trying to loose my virginity

a few weeks later there was a free concert in the city ..so iw ent with a few of my girlfriends we all went and brought twop bottles of wine each then

as soon as we got there we found out spot and sat there and sculled out bottles ….everyone was watching us shaking there heads ..some laughed at us …but by the end of the night they all knew where we sat and if i wondered off people would point in the direction of where my group was ……met up with some guy on my way back to the toilets ..he took my hand and we went for a walk across the brindge to a nice quiet woody area ..we kissed …asked for sex …hell why not i thought …there was no where to lie down so he just bent me over ..trying to push and push his penis inside me but to no avail ….what the hell was goin on was i the unbrakeable girl or something ..am i to keep my virginity for ever i thought …he got sick of trying and pulled his pants up and simply waked off leaveing me alone there to walk back by myself ..i didnt even know where the hell he came from …it was like quik as a flash in then gone ..i walked back to my group laughing at what just happened …did it realy happen i thought i was so drunk i wasnt sure …..the night went on we sand to the music like idiots made a fool of ourselves infront of people ..we got told to settle down by a few people …when it was time to leave my friend had met a guy she wonted to spend some alone time with

but we had to go home together as i ws sleeping over her house ..we jumped in his car and there was a mate in the back seat ….ok i thought lets try this virginity thing again then …they dropped us off at a park not far and drove off …we layed on the lawn kissing gropping each other..then my pnts came down for the second time that night ..he got ontop …we grinded together a bit .then he goes in for the jab …oh fuck alas even his couldnt get in ….i was beggingin to think i have a fear of penis;es or something ….nothing was goin in there my body was closed for the season ………by this time i was so embbaressed ..i couldnt look at him .now i was realy bloody sore thou …that was it fuck it im giving up …it was shit anyway i dont see what all the fuss is about ..i bloody tryed 3 times now to loose my virginity and it didnt work ..it just left me smelly wet and fuckin sore as hell …..i lost interest in that now ..it wasnt for me ..the time just isnt right …..i had pushed my luck enough …and decided to still be a child for a bit longer at 14 ………

…age 15,school stalkers

.my 15th birthday comes around ..and im still in school i fuckin hate it so much.. i had to catch the bus to school all the time .mum sometimes picked me up ..but twice i was stalked by men ..for a week there was a guy in his car who just drove around and around the block staring at me weirdly he didnt wave he didnt stop ..but it did scare me when he was there again the next day going around and around ….he must of wonted me for something im sure but was to scared to stop and ask me ..not like the other guy a few months later ..this goy again first saw me waiting at the bus stop in the early mornings …drove around a few times waving to me he stoped his car but i justed walked off to the shop accross the road .. he flowed the behind the bus all the way to school ..at lunch time i saw his car driving up and down the road ….i was shitting myself ..i did go and tell the teachers and they too watched him drive past a few times and told me to just be carefull ….it was ok the first afternoon going home but the second day he was already waiting for me at the bus stop again floowed me to school waving and smiling ..i did think for a while …shit did i know him maybe ..i could of you know and just forgoten. i use to wave to many people and say hello to that i didnt know …but his face wasnt familiar to me so i didnt wont to talk to him …that afternoon the bell went school had finished so i walked to the bus stop a bit further up the road this time trying to put him off ….but fuck he saw me as he drove up the other side of the street as his brakes screach and he turns around i try and walk faster to the bus his car a white ford thing pulls up right infront of me on the side of the road and he jumps out the car this time and walks straight up to me ….he tells me to come on get in the car ill drive you home ……as he grabs my heavy school bag ..i hold on to it for dear life waving it about screaming at him to fuck off leave me alone he tryed to grab at me but i keep waving my bag walking away and yelling as loud as i could ..we struggle for a bit luckily he never gets a good hold of my clothes as i keep pulling away …..thankfully he then sort of panics becasue it wasnt happening fast enought to get me into his car …..he calls me a whore and jumps back into his car and drives off …my heart was pounding …no one even saw a bloody thing ..oh sorry yes they did the old lady who;s house we were standing infront of was watching throu the window of her house peeking throu the curtain i supose she may of phoned the police if he did take me ..i dont know ……he never came back …i never told onyone either well i did tell the school teachers they even saw him driving up n down and told me to be carfull …would no one fuckin protect me for god sakes ..i was always left on my bloody own

and after a feew weeks of being scared to get the bus i began giving my bus money to a girl who lived up the street from me ….she rode her small bycicle to school ..but now i payed her to give me a dinky home each night ,….i then began walking the 35 minutes to school each day..i wonted to leave so bad now .but i promise mum i will atleat finish the year 9 out till the end …….and i did .so i acomplished that atleast .i loved all my friends deeply but i was alwasy in trouble at schhol for either wearing makeup ..or screaming back at the physical ed teacher ….i had a male teacher the first year and he wasa big enough creepy perve then now i had this bitch of a mole of a female teacher ..she would come into the showers pull back your door and yella t you to hurry up exposing the naked gilrs to everyone //she gave us no privacy …even in winter when we didnt break out in a sweat she forced us all to shower and she just had to fuckin come in each time to look ..she made my skin crawl and i sometimes refused to showe and told her so and told her why too …that she was a pervet looking at the gilrs naked ….i spent many lessons up in the library and as far away as i could from her …i hated her with avengence ….and couldnt wait to get out of this place …….

…i shed my tears and hugs with all my best friends .but then walked out those gates with the biggest smile on my face ….

…and it was xmas holidays .so before i look for a job i wont some time to relax……i begin catching a bus to visit my sister .no ..this time ist a diffrent road and diffrent bus stop ….but i still seemed to get the horns blowing at me ..the honks tooting …. as it was summer time in asutralia and we all know how terribly hot it gets too this time of year well ..um shh dont tell my mum but a few times men did pull over in ther cars and offer to give me a lift …ofcourse i said no to the cars that were full of young boys …but one guy stoped and asked me ..he was alone ..and well not too bad looking .what could it hurt i thought …after all it was a free lift and i can save my bus money too ..ok so i got in …we taked about how pretty i was and the weather too for a second ..he drove me straight to my sisters we parked out the front …i wrote him down a wrong phone number …he was nice and all but all i wanted was a lift ..and i did give him a pash for his services and sent him on his way ……..

HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY

i use to do some baby sitting for the lady who lived up the street she use to love going to darts and was is many tournaments ..she must of been good as she went alot ….that was how i made my pocket money ..not that i realy needed much as mum got me my smokes still each week for me …and i never asked him for money …this lady alwasy had a house full peole comming and going all the time there usualy men of all ages too ..but over the xmas holidays she had these 3 guys stay over alot ..friends of friends i think she wasnt having sex with any of them i can asure you of that ….she just did favours for others anyway i became friends with all the boys the older two were about 20 and the younger boy 14 ….i use to go to the beach just me and them mum didnt like it but as i yelled back at her ..its just the damn beach ..i was a virgin i wasnt a whore like she use to be …so i would get offended when she got all pissy on my over boys and i stood up to her ….i went anyway wheather she said yes or no ….my bed was next to the window remember i used it many times ..i just needed some attention and the tyoe you got from boys so i found was bloody well exciting …this younger boy glen who was 14 was gorgoeus ..it was the early 80;s the music was strange and he was into the more punk style while i was more duran duran …and human league kind of girl which i was alwasy getting told to turn my music down …we became close realy fast and i found myself lost if i wasnt near him …it was like a gravity pull and i felt like i could of died if i couldnt see him even for an hour …. i still baby sat even thou the boys were there …i think she trusted me more with her young kids than the guys plus i begged her anyway she knew i liked this young boy and she was good and told me to becarefull..as she shut the door leaving us alone …but we just kissed and not much else …i just adored his spiky boofy hair his big brown eyes and the way he spoke to me was so kind and gentle .i realy was falling in love again …..but this felt a bit deeper i dont know how and i dont know why….but it just was …he camt into my room to visit me and asked me to come back to my neighbours house noone was home he tells me we could be alone …this ws exciting ..i asked myself how far would i go …if i had the chance would i have sex again ..remembering from the six months before what had happened i was a litte scared and a little nervous but i sreiously had feelings for this younger boy as i was 15 and about 7 months older than him …but he was taller than me so it didnt realy seem that much diffrence in our age . he opens the lounge door and we go in …we look all around the house to make sure not a soul was around …we then go on the couch and begin kissing and touching each other over our clothes ..as he gently kisses me and lies me down on the couch ..god his kissing just gives me goosebumps .im so ready for this ..i know i am this time …i wont to give it to him..he is the one im so sure of it he lifts up my skirt and rolls down my knickers ..i felt a little embarresed but just concentrated on the kissing and tryed to ignore this part …he takes of his top ..oh hell his naked bare chest is devine ……but im too scared to touch it ..but am hapy when he lies it against my chest .i keep my bra on ..just incase someone comes home ….im gonna run so fuckin fast out the house i can tell you now …..but it dosent happen so we keep kissing he lies back ontop of me naked himself ..wholly hell i thing he smeels so damn nice and he is the best kisser in my llife …i open my legs and we begin heavy petting .our tounges get deeper into each others mouths and breathing becomes louder …i feel movement from between my legs i can feel him slowly but gently placing his penis next to my vagina as we grind away ….oh i feel it move in ….wow i think that was pretty easy …he begind moving his penis in and out of me with ease ..it didnt feel very exciting i must say .rather gross and wet sort of ..he goes faster ontop of me .and im lieing there with him ontop of me thinking …so this is it …didnt realy feal the greatest but wholly shit guys i finaly have just lost my viginity …i wa fuckin happy as a pig in shit ….he didnt take all that long and he got realy fast then stopped ……he was all sweaty ontop of me and i just wonted him off me it was yukky …..he rols of to the side and catches his breath ….i got up ..and oh hell its all wet down there i need to get to the toilet and fast i put on my clothes and go to the toilet to clean up ..but im my shock ..in my horror ..i was bleeding everywhere ..i needed to get home and now i thought about running out the back door but i didnt wont to upset him …i put my knickers back on went back in the lounge and made up an excuse i had left my curling wand turned on im mybedroom and i had to run home for 2 seconds to go turn it off ….fanbloody tastic it worked and he beleived me …so i ran home changed my knickers put on a pad …freshened up loooked at myself in the mirror and you wouldnt guess it but i swear i looked diffrent i had changed somehow …he didnt know i was a virgin either i knew he wasnt or so he told me …i went straight back to him and said ..oh what good timming because i had just got my period ….wow he says that ws lucky ….so we had to wait a week before we could have sex again …and we didnt wasit much time i baby sat alot ..and we did it on the bed on the floor …while the older boys were home ..or just us too alone ..but it wasnt to last much longer as he was onl down for the xmas holidays and after 4 weeks he had to leave ..he brought me flowers and we siad goodbye for ever ……….so that was that i lost my virginity to a younger man

it then only took me a few weeks before i met up with a guy who had pulled his car over and offered me a lift to my sisters ..this guy was a bit of a spunk thou …gorgoeus dark italian guy very good looking and spoke with such manners .this one i had to give my real phone number too ….we had a few dates by this time mum had come around and she let me go out on a date with a boy in a car .he took me to his locl pizza bar where we ate pizza then would go and park not far from home around the back street of all the huge factorys …we would jump in the back seat of his car and have sex then he took me home …rather a nice date i thought i got fed i got conversation and sex before i went to sleep ……but one night he asked me to put his penis in my mouth ..oh my god i thought ewww ..i havent done that before …ofcourse he didnt know and i wasnt going to tell him ..so i just acted like i knew what i was doing ….i put it in my mouth and started moving up n down sucking on it ..it smelt fuckin awfull …he kept grabbing my head making me go faster i took it out my mouth a few times just to catch my breath he was maoning and groaning so he must of been enjoying it ..but i wasnt …this thing in my mouth wa discusting ….he then got very excited and climaxed inside my mouth with out warning ….wholly shit as i moved my tounge to stop it going down the back of my throat what the hell it was burning my mouth og and the taste was the most grusome snot lke consistence i have ever had in my mouth i felt like vometing and my gag reflex started to work …i was shocked ..horrified and grossed out that he just blew that shit in my mouth so before i vomited all over him ..i spat it out aggressivly back all over his cock …he jumped up screaming at me …why did you do that for you bitch ..as he reached over for the tissues to clean himself …..i was to embarressed to tell him his cock taslte like cow manure and his cum was so galicy it burned my lips … we both climbed back into the front seat of his car ..my lips were so dry but i didnt dare lick them i tryed not to move my tounge as i didnt wont to get a taste of the inside of my mouth …i was glad to get home .and went in straight away to brush my teeth and get a drink a realy big drink …after that i never put another penis in my mouth untill i was 25 years old ..it took him a week to ring me up and ask me out again ..i wasnt sure he was goin to …….but after that he kept telling me that if i got bored at home and wonted to go and if he wasnt available his brother could take me out ..i kept saying no to him be he insisted that it was fine i could see his brother aswell if i wonted too …..i thought to myself then ..oh if he wonts to dump me why doasnt he just do that why offer to share me ..why didnt he wont me …wasnt i good enough for him …and why is he treating me like im some whore and a peice of meat to share with his mates now ..we left the pizza bar and he says to me did i like the guy who made the pizzas ..i could see him too ..oh well fuck me that was it …i couldnt see this guy anymore .who did he think he was saying this shit to me …and who did he think i was …..i wasnt a whore ..a tramp ..a slut i was looking for love and effection .. i wasnt going to get it from him so we ended our 4 week what ever it was .

the xmas holidays were almost up and i had promised mum that if i didnt find a job by the time school went back i would go back to school …..well thats what i told her ..there was no fuckin way in hell i am goin g abck there …i began a few job interviews ..in cafes in the city ..but nothing ..i then went for a job in a big shopping complex at one of the supermarkets there …3 days before school oes back i get the call and i got the job ……what good timimg i thought ..but now i needed a fuckin uniform amd new shoes ..mum didnt have the money ….i know ill ring up dad i still see him but not very often my sister stay over there now not me …him and his now new girlfriend take me shopping for all my new things a white shirt a long black skirt and black lace up shoes ….it all looks amazing fresh new clothes …im so happy .dads new girlfriend semed nice …yet again thou she was a prostitute and to em the first one he dated tht was still working he made all his other ladies stp working but this one he pimped out to high up customers ….police .men in goverment positions lawers ..no names were given ofcourse she just sayed they were well known in the comunity …she wasnt alowed to have days of or my dad would bash her pull her by her hair and kick her out the door screaming at her to get her ss to work ……..lucky i stayed out of it and didnt spend time over his house