Neema Shaw
Every saturday until i was 16 years old we use to go visit my nana and grandpa….my grandpa was a very tall man over 6ft ..all my dads brothers were .my dad got the short straw being under 6 ft …grandpa was so funny and made me laugh all the time ..he had all the time in the world for me and showed me a great deal of effection ..my uncles did to . i just .loved going there .Nana always had hot vegetable soup boiling away on the kitchen stove made just for us when we visited …after lunch the men would go into the loungroom ..it was so clean .gorgoreus furniture .a china cabinet with the most amazing trinkets i had ever seen ..and an old lamp next to the tv .she was a black african lady kneeling down .head back and back arched a skirt on but showing her boobies…it was rudeand realy naughty but so stunning .many a times i would run my little 3 yr old hands accross the curves of her body and hair ..i was alowed to touch her but grandpa always told me to be carefull .as she was a very special women .the men would play there records .one uncle would alwasy pretebd to play the drums .he looked realy silly and it made me laugh so much …when it was my grandpa turn. to play his record .he would always play our special hawian music and it was just for me and him ..the album cover had this exotic hawian lady dressed in lays pretty flowers in her hair and a beautiful grass skirt her .hands were posed in delicate dancing position..up in the air ..as the music played my grandpa would show me how to move my hands ..so gratious so delicatley ..like the lady on the album cover ..his smiles would light up my world …….he knew how to make me feel so special …….as i danced for him ..swaying my hips …waving my hands gently around …he would clap and cheer for me so hard .and tell me i was the most beautiful dancer he had ever seen ..after we would embrace in a big hug and kisses ..while we listen to my dads or uncles music .. i would sit on grandpas lap….he would ignore the music and talk to me …he still gave me dancing lessons while on his lap he wonted me to be just so perfect at dancing like ahawian lady ….he would grab my little hips and move then side to side on his lap ..getting harder and faster he would tell me this is how you move your hips to dance we giggled harder and harder as he grinded me into his groin …little did i know of his sinister plan.he was grooming me ….prepareing me for the same games he played in secret with another one of his victims ….but how lucky was i ..as that same year that i made my amazing memories with my glorious grandpa that he went and had a heart attack and died rather suddenly
when my sister clare beagn school it was just me and mum at home everyday we went for a walk to the shops mum would push the pram and i walked beside her and we walked to the shops ..it was 3 blocks away and you had to cross 2 streets and walk along one of my towns major transport rds many many big trucks comming from the wharfs only a 5 minute drive away …..i refused to go to kindy and had big massive seperation anxiety ..so i stayed home ..each time i went to the shop with mum she gave me a treat ..a wagon wheel was my fav ..
then one day at home she says to me …..Neema you know where the shop is dont you ….me being the brave girl i am said yes …… she .kneels gives eye contant and in a loving voice she says to me well …if you go to the shops for me ..ill give you a wagon wheel ..she give me a bag and a note and attempts to push me out the door this happened a few times .and i refused her offer but .i give in to her battering eyes and walk my merry way to the shops being a little scared only .. but feeling very happy at my success and yummy wagon wheel …but then …..the very next day she tell me again to do …..coxing me even more …go one for mummy ..ill buy you a wagon wheel and again pushes me out the door and shuts it so i can only come back inside after i have been to the shop to go buy her ..her soft drinks ..her pkt of bex.which was a small box containg white powder and a tabbaco paper …im not sure what you did with it i think maybe smoke it but my mum didnt she tipped it into her can of soft drink ….it made you high ..remembering this was all back in the time when cocaine was added into coca cola aswell … and lets not forget her 2 or 3 bags of lollies ……..she becomes even more abusive to me about going ..as i put on turnes and make it knon i dont wont too
she grabs me arm witha little shake and says youll do as your told …..the shop keeper becomes use to me walking in with my note each day ..and looks at me with a sad look ……im 4 yres old dirty face messy hair probably smelly too ……as i get older .the bags i carry become ever so heavy and milk n bread are now brought home and i dont get a treat any more..
there was no supervition at home so i also use to wonder around my street saying hello to anyone .i made special friendships with many elderly women living in my street one sweet old lady lived on my side of the street she has a white picket fence and would invite me into her house where we sat at her kitchen tbale she made herself a cup of tea and we sat there and spoke to each other .. i told her about my day and she would tell me so many storys about her husband who had passed and her children who all grew up and left her alone . she had her best friend tho her white cocky who lived in the house ….she told me he was like her guard dog and always screamed out if anyone came around .. i dont think he liked me much he alwasy hissed at me when i got near him .. before i left she always took me down to her back shed opened up this draw and pulled out a peice of white cake … she said it was wedding cake .i really have no idea ..but she wrapped it in paper said thank you for the chat young lady and pned the gate and i went on home happily eating my cake . on the days she wasnt home i would go and visit the two elderly ladies who lived a few houses down but it was across the street and it was rather a wide street too ,there was no one around to hold my hand and help me cross so i did it myself i use to run back n forth across the road waiting for cars ..just to dare myself see how gutsy i was …….i took many risks with myself alwasy testing my own boundries of fear …sometime forgetting i was ment to visit the old ladies and played dare with the cars instead …. becasue we were near the wharfs big 8 to 10 wheeled trucks would often drive up my street finding a short cut to the main road but lucky for me i felt street smarts and never came close to any real danger
many times they would see me comming over and called out for me to wait as they came out there gates and told me when it was safe to cross always giving me lectures about being careful with the street .The two elderly ladies would let me in there home make me a sandwich and a fresh drink of jiuce each time …as they sat at the kitchen table telling me there storys about there lives while sipping there cups of tea from the most beautiful cups n saucers i had ever seen in my life they both enjoying my attentive attention to there amazing storys ……as i craved a simple conversation from anyone as i didnt get that at home . .after a feed and a chit chat about them and about me.it was there time to play card and i was sent of the watch tv ..another treat for me …i sat on there hard antique couch i took my shoes of …if i happen to be wearing any .the televition was put on just for me …and i mean just for me while they played there cards .a few times i had sneeked a peek at the elderly ladys playing there cards …..and to my amusment they were playing with cards that had pictures of naked ladies on them …..yes its true they had there breasts showing and some didnt even have any knickers on too …they were grown up cards ……..i would always fall asleep on there couch ..to always awake with one of the ladies sitting next to me in there single chair another warm conversation was had a drink and some cookies then sent on my way …i did this till we moved when i was 6 yrs old …and i saw them about 2 to 3 times a week less when i went to school thou …these ladies showed me human kidness i could only imagine ..i soaked up every bit of it too
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..just around the corner 2 houses down lived mrs bishop son and wife pam and keith they would of been in there early thirtys i guess and never had kids of there own ..so again enjoyed the company of my and my little sister we sat at a kitchen table to eat some food and have a drink ….but they were more involed with us than playing ….hey spoke to us like we were so grown up….alowed us to cook cup cakes with them ..at the same time teaching us manners to ..one of the conditions of being able to stay there by both of them was that we didnt swear …we had to be polite …sometimes i forgot and did say a naughty word ..but instead of being yelled at ..all they had to do was give me a glance with there eyes ..and i knew i stuffed up ..and felt shame if i ever swore around them so slowly over time i leanr to contain my launguage at certain peoles houses ….i learnt that some houses i could get away with it and some peoples houses it was not eceptable at all ………i was learning a few lessons …they played chasy with us out the back running around laughing n giggling on a gorgeously manacured green lawn the strange thing was they had no back fence becasue it was joined to his mothers house so they both took the fence down so when playing in there back yard you were also in mrs price and mrs bishops back yard too ..it was a massive back yard too but one day i went to visit pam and keith and i lied ..and i lied realy realy big time …..i told them it was my birthday ..they got all excited …made a fuss of me all afternoon ..sang the song to me ..we made cup cakes again and this time a big surprise for me ….they made me a big round birthday cake to take home …it was gorgoeus the icing pink and done so delicatly .i walked my cake home ever so proudly crosssing the road carfully as not to drop my cake ..they watched me walk home waving and calling out happy birthday to me ..i carried my cake throu the back door to be greated by mum standing there with a very mean look on her face ..saying gruffly to me ..what is this …what have you done ……..mum was so angry at me yelling saying i was naughty ..and she made me take it back ..which i put on a turn and refused to do …hell i was so humileated ….i didnt wont to confess a lie to them i loved them so much ..i didnt wont to disapoint them and my mean mum was making me ..mum pushed me out the door and again i was being watched as i crossed the road with this amazing birthday cake in my little hands …..i knocked on the door ..they seemed a bit shocked to see me standing there ..but my mean awful mum was standing right there accross the road with her arms crosssed ,,they brought me inside sat me down and gave me what seemed a 2 hour talk about lieing and how it made them feel sad …..i just died …the guilt was so bad ..i hated this feeling and so angryy at my mum too ..she never punished me before like this .it was a bit harsh i thought embarresing me like this ………but pam and keith still loved me gave me a hug ..and sent me home with out even giving me a small peice of my cake too ……
on another visit to see pam and keith i knocked on the door sometimes i did feel like i was probably not welcomed /comming over to much at times they would say sorry were busy come abck another day and shut the door …..this time they didnt answer there door …so i went around to the back knocked again but nothing happened so i went of in my own world playing in there back yard for a bit before i went home …i heard noises comming from the house .ah they must of been home and hiding from me ….but then the back window opend up and a man dressed in black came creeping out and he ran off down the side of the house and he was gone ……what was i to do ..i knew this man wasnt ment to be there and he was a bad bad man…but who was i going to tell no one belives me anymore …..they all think i lie all the time …..so i just ran off home thinking how lucky i was the man didnt see me i was very scared but never told anyone ….a few days later i hear mum talking to another neighbour saying that pam and keith house got robbed …again i kept quiet casue no one will listen to me .
i knew from a young age i wasnt going to be hear no matter what . but what if i made myself seen .
I so craved attention at 5 ..i didnt care who i got it from i .knew i wasnt going to get it from my mum …..so i desided to make my own attention ….if you wont something go and get it i use to think ….so i grabbed a packet of matches near the oven .one day .i just wonted some attention from my mum and knew this would get me some so i .went to the back of the church where it was extremly over grown and lit the match and threw it into the bushes and stood back to …watched the flames go up it was so exciting …and i remember thinkin as i hide under a bushy area out the front …right you bitch ..now you will give me attention …..the fire truck came ..there was people every where it was so exciting …….i think one fire man spoke to me about it and mum just did her little song and dance which by 4 had no impact on me at all …all her words were meaningless ….i got what i needed …..and that was attention ….and it felt good …. a few months later i did the same thing again ..went to the back lit the scrub on fire ..only this time it was small …wasnt quiet as exciting this time round and again i dont rememebr getting into trouble
mark was the boy next door ..omg he ws blonde gorgoeus handsom and i wonted to marry him ..but he ws more my big sisteres age althou he did play games with me out the back at times ..but him and my sister were watching cartoons one day ..each time i tryed to come in the room she pushed me out and wouldnt let me in there ..but all i wonted was a little attention from mark ..and she wouldnt let me .*(bitch) …so i simply thought well fuck you …as that word was in my vocabuary by the age of 4 …..so with that fuck you thought ..yet again a grabbed a box of matches ..this time i ws going to get my sister back i went into our bedroom i sat on her bed …i stoke a match lit it ,,,and put it under the curtain ….nothing happened …so i lit another one .and another ..she was going to pay for this the curtian flame took hold and whoosh boy did those things burn fast …..i then went into the lounge where she n mark were sitting and i said to her you dont know what i just did …and i then ran out of the house shitting myself cause the bedroom was on fire luckily marks dad next door also a police officer happened to be mowing his lawns and saw the fire….he quikly ran to grabbed his hose and put the flames out …my sisters fav toy and bed were all burnt mum was called from somewhere down the street again she entered the house …and my sister coped a slap across her face so hard and blamened for the hole thing …why didnt you look after her .mum screamed at my daisy ..all i thought of was ..HA HA .that will teach you to deny me him .i got in realy big trouble to i put on the tears n went outside to play and never lit another fire again
