Chapter 5

MY MUM

my mum would either be found at some ones house up the street or lying in her bed reading her erotic books …also quite often found to be at the pub while leaving us kids home alone .part of the issues my dad had left ….. i dont have many memories of eating at home apart from with my dad upto the age of 6 …..

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.but there was also many a times when both mum n dad would have there parties with many friends over ..we were all put to bed early …and had to stay in there and not come out ……..i remember a few times mum freind debbie comming to our room waking me up and trying to shove some kind of pill in my mouth .. i wa forced to swollow this small litle pill ….she wouldnt go untill i took it and showered her thwe inside of my mouth ..i fuckin hated this womens guts …and also my mother for letting her do this ..my mum was there in the room too ..i could here her .ans see the dark shadow in the room too ….. go on cathy take you pill ……..

..i was so scared at night to go outthrou the dark back lobby then out side to go to the toilet ..i use to pee in the doorway of my bedroom floor ..getting caught soo many times by my sister …….mum had convinced me those little pills were to stop me from peeing on the floor and there fore it was a msut that i took them everynight ……..im not sure to this day what they were but i know this …..(now) there is no kind of tablet to stop a child pissing thensleves ….it may of been some kind of sleeping pill as i was always up n down at night trying to get attention good or bad i didnt care ……….

my mum treated herself like a queen liying in her bed all day eating her chocolate and soft drink with her pk of bex powder she would pour into her can of tab ….. that i had to go fetch for her each day at the shops ..sometimes i would go 2 times for her …..what she wonted she had her slaves to do for her …..and when big sister came home from school it was her turn to do the shop rounds …….

we also spend alot of time at the pub that was fun ..we always got a packet of chips and a bottle of coke …when we gt there then we would just run off inside and outside runnign around ..it was like a playground …acationaly getting told off to settle by a few old men sitting at the bar .or the bar tender giving us that look to settle …so we did under the tables for a bit ….but it never took long before we all got roudy again ….acastionly loking around to not see mum ..but it was ok …we knew the old men sitting pissed at the bar would look after us ……………….(mum would be in the car park fuckin men……………..one night our dad came sreaming into the pub trying to find her …..she eventualy came back form where ever the hell she had been ………………but that was only once …………

　

　

i was efection deprived ..i craved it ..and would search for it where ever i could find it form my mum ..the littel that dad gave was enought to get by on so i was happy with that but my mum was diffrent as she was the one home ..

.from age two as she was liyin in bed i would snuggle my little self against her body enjoying her smell she always looked after herself …make up on her hair done and dressed in stockings and nice clothes for the 70;s usualy short dresses .and my mum wasny a small lady …but it got the attention from the men she so needed …….. she would tickle my back every time and before i knew it i was asleep …

.it reminded me of the time mum took me and my little sister for another but this time long drive in the car with two men …dad had left by this time and mum had many gentlemn visitors to the house at night …..id seen the dark headed man once before i think..mum drove she was giggling in that child like way she does ..she was always in short skirts or short dresses leaving not much to imagine if she even bent over they laughted and stroked eachother in the front of the car we seemed to drive for hours we even drove on sand and then we came to a secluded beach ..me and my ssiter were so excited we can run in the water and playin the sand ..they got out the front seat while the man sitting in the back with us got out too ..as me and my sister began getting out the car mum came over pushing us back in telling us not in a nice way either to stay in the car your not geting out as she slammed the door of the old HJ holden on my little 3 year old sister hand .who began screaming mum seemed to take her time opening up the door to release her fingers from the door as she opened the door she roughtly took a quik look at her fingers and said oh god there fine youll be right …and she shut the door and walked off leaving me to hug and coformt my little siter who was sobbing uncontralably becasue of the pain so we sat in the middle of the back seat and i hugged her as tight as i could wipeing her tears and feeling so fuckin agry at my mum for not caring about us those men were more important that us she ran along ..after my sister settled we could hear laughing from my mum the back seat was rather high so we stood up to see over ….there was my mum running on the beach hugging and kissing the dark headed man …flirting giggling having the fukin time of her life not giving a shit about her own children …if we ever felt like we were in the way it was now …so why did she even bother taking us with her …i started to learn a bit about my place with my mother now and it was in the distance ..men were her life ….and yes she was a slut

　

.as i got older and naps werent needed .i had to find another avenue to get affection from her ……..i had long nails i would scream put on massive tantrums if anyone tryed to grab me to cut my nails ..casue it hurt and i hated it so i refused to do it ….i would go down kicking and screaming ….so anyway mum would call me over and say ..cathy scratch my back ….i would run over to do it so fast ..thinking how honoured am to touch her to get this clos e to her ………….she then would sit on the floor in the lounge and allow me to brush her hair ..omg i was so lucky to ahve this time this was me geeting love from her ..both my sisters didnt have this strong bond with my mum …and i ws happy about that ……i became mums fav because i was the one she chose to do those things for her …i would sit on the couch and brush her hair for hours ..attempting to plait it running my fingers thou her hair .i wonted her to stay there for ever……..it almost felt liek the cinderella story ..only i was one in the in crowd ….I WAS SPECIAL AFTER ALL

　

AUNTY LYN

From about 3 to 4 years of age ….mum would drop us kids off to my auntys n uncles (her brother) house for an overnight visit ….. mum would leave ..the door was shut behind her i would look out the front window behind the curtains to see the car drive off..mum was leavign us again ……..

..then we would here my aunty call out .who wonts a bath ……this was like the ritual every time mum left ……you would go into the clean bathroom ..there waiting me and my sisters was the most amazing site ..almost beautiful enought to make you cry ..the excitment was unbareable as you quikly took your clothes off threw them onto the floor to ahve them immideatley picked up by my aunty and she always did a load of washing …but there infront of us …was the bath filled with the clearest of clean water and had bubbles up to yuor head floating around ..we would all jump in excitedly splash …..play ….my aunty would wash our hair and talk to us about what we were doing that week and wash our dirty skins with a fluffy flannel all lathered up in soup ..it was so luxurious and just an unbelivabe joy to have clean water to bath in ..you can even tell the diffrence on your skin from having those grey dirty baths after my mother had been in ..to a clean fresh bath …we brushed our teeth aswell not doing it well cause we didnt realy own a toothbrush at home ..but it was cleaner than what it was before ……when it was time to get out ..even that was an melting moment …we were wrapped in a warmed up towel ..oh maybe it wasnt warmed and just a fresh clean fluffy towel im not sure ..but it was like being wrapped in heaven ..clean clothes were given to us to wear ….our hair was brushed which i remmebr taking awhile …..and then when we came out we sat at the kitchen table and were givin something to eat ..my aunty and uncle both in the kitchen cooking and also talking to us about how we were ,.and .taking a real intrest in us ….this happened each time ..it didnt matter if mum dropped us off at night or day time …..so all cleaned and full bellies we then went off to play….. ….. as you opend the back door and push dear old big white fluffy sandy the dog out the way as my aunty stood in the laundry washing all our clothes that mum had brought over …..to the right was a big shed ..not much in it at all ..not a storage shed but a shed with just a table and other non interesting things i didnt pay attenion too ..but one day there was a type writter in there ..and i played on it …typing this and typing that ….even at my auntys home and having my sisters there i still remmebr me playing alone and having those alone times to wonder of in the garden and have some peace time ..oh geting back to the type writter ..i um eveentulay opend it up and pulled the ink ribbon out and decorated the room a bit with it ….when i got found out and my uncle asked me what happened ..i denied it ……..i didnt know how it got that way ……i did many things wrong there me just being me ..but never ..not once did they ever raise there voice .they did the stern voice thou and gave you that look as they did ..and it did make you fess up to things ..but some i didnt ….. after a nice meal eaten at the kitchen table again …was strange eating all our meals at a table and together too ..let alone the food was devine …vegetables n meats n stuff we didnt get at all very often at home ..the thing that took a bit to learn was how to eat with an actualy knife and fork …..that was impossable to learn ..so hard to do ……….

.at night we would all be in the lounge room.my aunty and uncle watching tv ..and i use to sit on the floor and quietly colourin with pencils ….baby was put to bed i would go in to and say goodnight to her …then i would sit again on the couch with my aunty n uncle and we would speak ..and i mean an actual conversation ….it was the weirdest feeling ..but i loved it sandy would always be liying in the corner of the lounge next to the kitchen as he/she was alreay at this point an old dog .i remmebr alwasy being told to settle around sandy and not be to rough casue he may get angry and bite ……but he never did ………i new he loved me and wouldnt hurt me and he was much prettier thna my dog mutly ……

it was during these times that we were given a glimpse of how others lived ..how they ate ..how they comunicated with each other ..and it was something we took with us as adults and help us hold onto the dream that possable one day we would live like this too …this was a dream that i held onto with both arms in my head …….and i never will forget being treated as i if i was worth being a human being on this planet ..and carried that dream throu out my life growing up ………they showed unconditional love even when i was bad …………..and i honour them for that now as a adult now …the next day as mum was due ..i was excited and couldnt wait to get home to my own things ..i would look out the window waitind for her sometime it took forever …..i wasnt quite acustom to living with boundrys ..even thou they wernt even spoken about …our bad language ..our teasing ..my auny and uncle didnt have to scream at us to keep us inline …..just a look or a frown and we knew ………it was enough ………. and while i took it all in ..i could only have it for so long befor the need to be free roming around like a am at home took me ……….with a hug and a kiss we waved goodbye to them ..and returned to our own house of shame ..which i felt more comfortable in